it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hippo gnu deer
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
