I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
