We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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