I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
