Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
