sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
