My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
