There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
