I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
