You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
