turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
