A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
