Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
