come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
