don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
