I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
