I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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