There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
