Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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