dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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