I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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