You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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