Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
