that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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