Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
