i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
