can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
