I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
