good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
