if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
