I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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