I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
