You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize