...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
