Cold hands, warm shart.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
