oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
