I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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