I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
