I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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