You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
