btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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