There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize