I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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