you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
