So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This toilet bowl is my home.
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