i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
