Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
