thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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