Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
In America we eat man semen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
