The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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