from now on my penis is your penis
I bet he comes in French.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
