I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
