once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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