no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
