Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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