I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
