4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
