he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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