The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
