We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
