when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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