Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
