At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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