It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
