So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
