Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
