you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
