Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
