Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
