We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
