He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
