I think I died a long time ago.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize