first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
